Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
