I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
