WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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