No awkward lesbian experiences without me
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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