I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
