I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
