whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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