he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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