come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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