I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
