The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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