i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
