What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
