that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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