I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
