I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
