You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
