I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
