8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
