She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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