And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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