I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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