We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
