And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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