I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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