oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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