I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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