you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
