how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
