I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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