bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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