I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
