SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
