So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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