Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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