Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
