Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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