Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
