Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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