He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
