just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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