How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
not ubering you a puppy
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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