But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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