Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
