you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i came on her dog
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
