you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
