Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
