Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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