I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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