She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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