Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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