By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My ATM looks so different sober.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
