I've blown a few things in my day
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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