I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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