hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
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