I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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