She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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