i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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