Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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