you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
