walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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