Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
