If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize