he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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