Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
