I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
